Separated at Birth

Babies and Umbilical Cords

Separated at Birth

Persian kittens and the Brain bug of Klendathu.

YOUR STUPID

online dater dude sends me a message. he has this at the end of his profile:

Significant misspellings and unintentionally crappy grammar may demote you from "I'd date her" to "I'd do her." Just sayin'.

dude, i feel you on the spelling and grammar.

but implying that 1. you'd fuck a stupid person, 2. you'd disingenuously fuck a stupid person and then treat them like shit after MAKES YOU A TOTAL COCKHOLE.

you probably have copious shoulder hair. i can tell by the way your 5 o'clock shadow looks in that photo.

tuesday tally (it's wed but i like alliteration)

+ I have money to shop.

- I hate all the clothes in the stores now.

+ Thanks to running + general ennui, I'm able to pour my ass into a size 4.

- There's no way to show it off, since all the dresses this season are empire/trapeze/babydoll and make you look like a pregnant bohemian doily.

+ I am going to be quoted in Cocktail Weekly.

- I have no idea what this publication is or what it's about.

Has Anyone Noticed?

That we have a black guy and a woman running for president? Not that either one will win. Too many redneck shitholes in this country. But I just realized. I have a lot more time to think about this kind of stuff now that Paris Hilton is off the streets and safely incarcerated.

34 down. folded food. 7 letters. not calzone.

today was the total opposite of yesterday. left the house at 10:30, ran all over the east/west village being all productive. actively solicited people for social interactions rather than avoided phone calls.

went shopping. as usual, bought way more cheap costume jewelry than i did clothes. some women spend $400 on a chanel bag. "but i'll have it forever." and they probably will.

i spend that same $400 on plastic & faux silver/faux gold earrings, bracelets, necklaces, and so forth that fall apart after three or four wearings.

some would call this a poor purchasing decision but i disagree. it takes me approximately 3-4 years to spend that amount on bamboo round-the-way-girl earrings and noisy plastic bracelets. the hooker with the chanel bag only gets her purchasing high once. ONCE.

i do worry about the legacy i'm passing on to my children though. the other woman can be like "here honey, here's this bag." and the daughter's "thank you, mother, for this beautiful and timeless accessory."

i'm all "yea, sorry, taylor madison skylar phoebe rosepetal. i would give you these hoops i had that said SEXY TAURUS and 400 some-odd plastic jelly bracelets, but they're in a landfill seagull's stomach. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WISH YOU HAD A DIFFERENT MOTHER?"

here's the thing i want:

NEW MONEY

as in

GET NEW MONEY



New Money is different than money money. I have money money. I don't particularly need money money.

I want NEW MONEY. New freelance jobs. Articles in publications I haven't worked with before or that have rejected me so many times it's become a comical Horatio Alger story.

I need to do more pitches.

TIME TO GET HUNGRY AGAIN.

I have to go change my Crest Whitestrips.