Friday, October 26, 2007

drape ape

Spent 45 minutes at Bed, Bath & Beyond yesterday,
FREAKING OUT over curtains.

What are curtains? How do people use them? What kind should I buy? How long? What color? Perhaps I should consider a non-curtain alternative, such as blinds. Why are curtains so expensive?

I know! I will buy a pair off eBay. Something awesome and rust-colored, with little eagles and Holly Hobby flowers. Eames - but not cheap ripoff Eames like they do at Target and IKEA. Affordable Eames. Yeah, right.

Went home. Bought nothing.

Around midnight I decide to make my own curtains, using a staple gun and some fabric my sister gave me. I basically just stapled that shit directly to the wall. THERE. Curtains.

Oh look, it's even cuter when I tie this here little piece of ribbon around them and drape them artfully to one side. ZOMG! NESTING! ROCK!

this morning i take a shower and am blowing-drying my hair in the living room - nekkid, as per routine.

i glance out the window and realize 3, count 'em 1-2-3, construction workers on the roof next door are all lined up like ducks at a carnival, staring at my vaginabusiness.

any feeling of violation is completely trumped by the delciousness of the irony.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

And How

photo by GammaBlog

I kinda wish I had done this.

I mean, I don't really agree with the paint color. Or the choice of messaging. If you want to target the real rapemakers you go after ESPN and Jack Daniels.

But the spirit is there.

I dislike American Apparel not because they use sex in their advertising. I dislike American Apparel because they put on airs that they're socially progressive while using the tits and ass of emaciated youngsters to move product.

(Yeah, yeah. Erin. Bitch, bitch, bitch. We've heard it all before.)

Right now AA is doing some DUDE! WE'RE GOING TO DRESS UP LIKE SCOOBY DOO! DUDE, TYLER, DUDE. DUDES! HE'S GONNA MAKE THE PERFECT SHAGGY!

I have another idea:

NATIVE AMERICAN APPAREL



Is good, no? Perhaps a little offensive, but on-brand with the rest of their advertising...

Monday, October 22, 2007

ceci n'est pas une inept landlord

my kitchen sink faucet is hot to the touch.

really hot, like when you've been running the hot water.

only i haven't been running the hot water.

what's next? a flaming toilet?

anyone with plumbing/home fix-it knowledge care to explain this phenomenon?