Mommy, what's "bitch slap rapping"?
junior year and senior of college i was obsessed with one thing: my biceps.
still pumped from having seen terminator 2 several years previous, i had somehow convinced myself that 4 times weekly gym sessions, embarrassing magazine subscriptions and foul-tasting supplements were the key to developing linda hamilton guns that would take the place of the stork-like linguini appendages i had inherited from my mother.
t2 was more than a movie to me. it was a way of thinking. a lifestyle. one that says it's ok for women to be old. it's ok for them to handle firearms, ride motorcycles, and beat the tar out of somebody.
not that i ever needed an OK, but still. it's always nice to have one. at one point i had linda hamilton pictures in my car, at my workplace, and in my gym locker.
my boyfriend never said anything, but i'm sure he must have found it more than a little odd. those days he spent most of his time trying to avoid me, as any face-to-face contact of longer than 5 minutes would lead to a solicitation for arm wrestling.
I KNOW I CAN TAKE YOU!
JUST ONE MORE TIME!
COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
my biceps quest ended when, after a year of work, i happened upon ms. hamilton's workout routine in an old issue of entertainment weekly and discovered: 1. i had made very little progress, and 2. i'd never have the discipline nor the means to ford rivers, eat dry salads, or spend face time with a former israeli commando.
now along comes this new series: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.
and grandma's a little worried. i gotta tell you.
to go from this:
to this:
just doesn't spell promising.
you can almost hear the discussion between the producers:
producer #1
But I don't get it. The main character isn't the robot.
producer #2
Yes, but the main character is O-L-D.
producer #3
So?
producer #1
We can't have an O-L-D promoting the series. How will we get sponsors?
producer #2
Good point. Let's go with the 20 year old ballet dancer.
producer #3
20? I thought you said she was 19.
producer #1
Get Jim on the horn. See if there's still time to cast a younger sister...
i'm being super judgmental though. i know very little about it. maybe it'll be really good.
one thing's for sure: NO SUPERFUCKINGAWESOME HIT VIDEO FEATURING A WHITE SPANDEX BICYCLE SHORTS-WEARING AXL ROSE.
