I have been to the Promised Land. There is ear damage and $10 beer.

Have you seen my shit? I lost it. At the T.I. concert last night.

I thought the best I could hope for was a guest appearance by R. Kelly. Possibly 50 Cent. Maaaaybe. If I'm lucky.

I wasn't counting on 50, Diddy, Kanye, and Jay motherfucking Z showing up as surprise guests and taking the stage AT THE SAME GODDAMN TIME.

It was so good it got a little scary. When Jay-Z came on people started screaming HO-VA! HO-VA! and making the special Hova sign. It reminded me of a Benny Hinn taping or a wartime propaganda reel or that scene in the Indiana Jones movie where they're about to do a human sacrifice.

Easily one of the best concerts I've been to. With the exception of Ciara. She really needs to shut the fuck up. Yeah, she's beautiful and can sing and dance but her performance was so safe and over-produced, like something you'd see on Disney Kids or Nickelodeon. Before she came on the promoters had to break the huge paper strip spanning the arena that said "Sanitized for Your Protection."

The girls behind me held no truck with her either. They kept going AHN-NEE-WAY! AHN-NEE-WAY! in dismissal, something other people imitate but only black females can properly do.

CAN YOU WRITE SOMETHING INSTEAD OF DOING PROMOS?

no, i cannot.

i have things to promo and i ate lunch at the times square red lobstah. i had a shipwreck mary and a plateful of butter.

my friend stephen is doing this thing for delta called the siteseer challenge.

go here and vote for him. it's kind of a pain in the ass b/c you have to watch all 4 videos.

the good part is you can just minimize and have it playing in the background. until his video comes on. then it's PARTY CENTRAL.

Come See Me on Anti-Anxiety Medication, Friday, August 31st, at Joe's Pub!

I'm going to be one of 8 bloggers competing in an Internet gong show type deal at Joe's Pub.

It's called ROFL! and it's being put on by The Onion and Paper Thin Walls.

HOLY SHIT ERIN! I WANT TO KNOW MORE!

The lineup includes Cintra Wilson (if you've never heard of her or read her stuff read this article in Salon, it's one of my favorites) and:

-Petra Cortright of Nastynets
-Peter Dizozza, leader of the Cinema VII Collective,
playwright, actor and anti-folk artist
-Andrew Baron of Rocketboom
-Jeff Rubin and Streeter Seidell of College Humor
-Charles Star of Stay Free!
-Dan Gurewitch and Amir Blumenfeld of College Humor

There's also music by Ethan Lipton, who has a moustache.

Tickets are $15, you can by them here.

I do not know what I'll be presenting, but I'm terrified of public speaking so you can bet your sweet bippie I will be all kinds of Paula Abdul DRUGGED.