Here's something I hate.

When people ask me where I'm from and I say Detroit and they cannot fucking LET IT BE.

They get this stupid smirk and say, "Yeah, but not really Detroit, right?" or "Oh come on. Not 'Detroit' Detroit. You must mean somewhere outside the city."

Next they try to get me to clarify the exact street of the hospital where I was born, where my paternal grandmother resides, where I said my first word, etc. in a thinly veiled attempt to trap me. HA HA HA HA. GOTCHA, YOU SHELTERED SUBURBAN WHITEY!

Yes, I am not from Detroit in the strictest sense. I was born in St. Clair Shores. It is part of Macomb County. It is 13 miles outside central Detroit and is considered part of the Detroit metro area.

I say I am from Detroit because no knows where the fuck St. Clair Shores is. If I say 'Detroit' it's easily understood by everyone. I've said Detroit to a Nigerian taxi driver and he's all like "Ahhhh jes, Motor Ceety."

I identify as a Detroiter. My aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and so on all live there. I've been back to Detroit at least once a year my entire adult life. I've been to countless auto shows, the Renaissance Center, Greektown, Cobo, Tigers games, museums, grocery stores, restaurants, etc.

What's with the socio-economic witch hunt? When someone says they're from San Francisco you don't go, "Oh yeah? But WHAT PART of San Francisco???! Huh??" "Are you really an Eskimo? SHOW ME YOUR IGLOO!"

It's only because I'm a whitey. If I was black no one would be questioning me. They'd be like "Detroit? Cool. I'm down, my man." Pretty fucking racist (both ways) if you ask me.

I've never ONCE said being from Detroit makes me tough or cool or whatever. I don't cop a attitude about it. I don't understand why people get so weird and crazy.

When I was a vegetarian I went through the same thing. The first thing people do when you tell them (and I never volunteered it, people always had to force it out of me) is to try to find out when was the last time you ate meat.

Then it's "Do you eat THIS?" and "Do you eat THAT?" and then, "HA HA! That mustard contains chicken broth/turkey sweat/lamb teeth. You're not really a vegetarian."

Damn. I'm really worked up. I think I'm going to go call Eminem and see if he wants to go wilding. There's a plate glass window in front of the Vermont Candle Company that's just begging to have a rock thrown through it. PEACE!