Friday, May 18, 2007

percolatin', hatin'

I'm torn. I love Zach Galifianakis. I dream of being his girlfriend. That way I can have the physical aesthetic I want (beard, unkempt hair, dirty sport coat) without having to bed down with an actual hobo. But this video. I think he'd be a really bad wedding date. And that's the measure of a man, really. Like death and genital reassignment surgery, weddings are one of those things we all have to go through. If you can't lighten up and adopt an attitude of "I am at a wedding. I am going to act silly so the next 5 hours aren't so shitty and horrible," then I'm not really going to want to be around you. And half-ass rocking out is so much worse than full-on rocking out. Either firebomb the place, take a shit on the floor, and flip the bird OR get down to your stocking feet and dance like you're Jackson #6 of the Jackson 5. Smirking and raising your eyebrow like you're the first person to figure out that the situation is stupid and embarrassing is easy comedy and makes you look like a smug prick.

Thursday, May 17, 2007


Have you been to Death & Company? You should go. All the bartenders have handlebar mustaches and wear old-timey clothes. Everything is done with a flourish. I watched one make a drink and then pour a half drop of some sort of liquor over the back of a spoon. Not the front. The back. The back of the spoon. Then he leaned over and sniffed it like it was some exotic pussy covered in gold leaf and stuffed with saffron before presenting it to the customer. I have a headache now. I do not do well with rich food. I have to work on my script. I need to get at least a half hour in before Golden Girls.