34 down. folded food. 7 letters. not calzone.

today was the total opposite of yesterday. left the house at 10:30, ran all over the east/west village being all productive. actively solicited people for social interactions rather than avoided phone calls.

went shopping. as usual, bought way more cheap costume jewelry than i did clothes. some women spend $400 on a chanel bag. "but i'll have it forever." and they probably will.

i spend that same $400 on plastic & faux silver/faux gold earrings, bracelets, necklaces, and so forth that fall apart after three or four wearings.

some would call this a poor purchasing decision but i disagree. it takes me approximately 3-4 years to spend that amount on bamboo round-the-way-girl earrings and noisy plastic bracelets. the hooker with the chanel bag only gets her purchasing high once. ONCE.

i do worry about the legacy i'm passing on to my children though. the other woman can be like "here honey, here's this bag." and the daughter's "thank you, mother, for this beautiful and timeless accessory."

i'm all "yea, sorry, taylor madison skylar phoebe rosepetal. i would give you these hoops i had that said SEXY TAURUS and 400 some-odd plastic jelly bracelets, but they're in a landfill seagull's stomach. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WISH YOU HAD A DIFFERENT MOTHER?"

here's the thing i want:

NEW MONEY

as in

GET NEW MONEY



New Money is different than money money. I have money money. I don't particularly need money money.

I want NEW MONEY. New freelance jobs. Articles in publications I haven't worked with before or that have rejected me so many times it's become a comical Horatio Alger story.

I need to do more pitches.

TIME TO GET HUNGRY AGAIN.

I have to go change my Crest Whitestrips.

piece of shit saturday

it's beautiful. i need to leave the apartment. NEED TO WON'T. until tonight. i ordered ATL on on-demand. it wasn't too bad, actually. i have very low standards when it comes to movies. my 'this is going to be stupid' filter is completely lacking, especially when it comes to movies starring rap artists.

atl has all this rollerskating. people rollerskate in uniformed teams reminiscent of The Warriors. they keep alluding to this big skating competition that never actually happens. i'm sure it got cut out post-production but it seems like a pretty big boo boo. couldn't they have included one short scene? and a cameo by Deney Terrio? i know dance fever wasn't really about roller skating. i just like deney terrio.

i'm working on a movie. there is no part for a deney terrio. i would like to get tip harris though. i would casting couch, chair, ottoman, davenport, bureau, and chifforobe the fuck out of that young gentleman. he has such a cute face. all pinchy and grouchy. you want to kiss him on the nose and give up the jane fonda just to see him smile. he's the baby gerald of the dirty souf.

working at an ad agency is weird because...

two heterosexual males are standing inches from your desk, talking loudly about the "empowering" properties of a certain brand of mass market mascara

lookin' good, richie

she looks like someone you'd see trying to buy nicorette with WIC stamps at the 7-11.

man overboard + another day at the races

I love that the week I get dumped is the same week I have to write ads for romantic "fun ship" cruises. Past two work days I've been staring at a picture of this happy white couple and writing dozens of slogans.

Oh yeah, other thing that happened.

I was peeing this morning in the bathroom with the door open and the cat was peeing at the exact same time. His litterbox is right near the bathroom door and it's kind of at the same level as my toilet. Our heads and necks were sticking out in the EXACT SAME POSITION at the EXACT SAME TIME. We looked like JOCKEYS!!!!

"Are you peeing or pooing? I'm peeing," I said.

He didn't reply.

ERIN'S SUMMER SERIES. THIS WILL PROBABLY NOT BE A SERIES.

every summer they hold amateur boxing matches on pier 54. you get a great view of the sunset as well as dudes beating the algebra out of each other and it's FREE. unlike other free events in nyc, you do not have to get there 13 hours in advance, deal with hordes of screaming infants, or walk through puddles of other people's excrement to wait 3 and a half days for a bottle of bottled water. there's beer there. cheap beer. and low self-esteem beer models. add that to little old men smoking cigars and clutching sweaty wads of money and you've got yourself quite a spectacle.

the next one's June 21st. here's how you go.

dial S for stupid

Just called myself to see if I had any voicemail. Pressed the wrong button and accidentally listened to my outgoing message. My outgoing message is retarded.

"Hi, this is Erin. I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and I'll call you back."

I can't come to the phone right now?? Erin, you own a cell phone. THE PHONE IS ALWAYS ON YOUR PERSON.

So inane. And I've had this message for how many months? Why didn't anyone tell me?

When I was little my parents always used "can't come to the phone right now" on their answering machine in the belief that it would deter thieves. I was also instructed to say "can't come to the phone right now" whenever I was home alone. This must be a vestige from old brainwashing or something.

I'm going change it. Not today. Sometime soon though. I dislike cutesy greetings, so it may take a while to come up with something sufficiently plain and serviceable.

"Hi, this is Erin. Leave a message and I'll call you back."

That's the lead contender. I'm kind of tempted to use the automated greeting where the voicemail lady just spits out your number but I've known other people who have that and it always sounds psycho.