Friday, October 26, 2007

drape ape

Spent 45 minutes at Bed, Bath & Beyond yesterday,
FREAKING OUT over curtains.

What are curtains? How do people use them? What kind should I buy? How long? What color? Perhaps I should consider a non-curtain alternative, such as blinds. Why are curtains so expensive?

I know! I will buy a pair off eBay. Something awesome and rust-colored, with little eagles and Holly Hobby flowers. Eames - but not cheap ripoff Eames like they do at Target and IKEA. Affordable Eames. Yeah, right.

Went home. Bought nothing.

Around midnight I decide to make my own curtains, using a staple gun and some fabric my sister gave me. I basically just stapled that shit directly to the wall. THERE. Curtains.

Oh look, it's even cuter when I tie this here little piece of ribbon around them and drape them artfully to one side. ZOMG! NESTING! ROCK!

this morning i take a shower and am blowing-drying my hair in the living room - nekkid, as per routine.

i glance out the window and realize 3, count 'em 1-2-3, construction workers on the roof next door are all lined up like ducks at a carnival, staring at my vaginabusiness.

any feeling of violation is completely trumped by the delciousness of the irony.

5 comments:

pb said...

If you're going to go the stapler route, then (1) buy a cheap curtain rod; and (2) loop the fabric at the top of curtain and use the stapler to create a makeshift sleeve through which to pass the rod. Then you will be able to open and close the curtains at the beginning and end of your peep show.

Sabina said...

Bed Bath & Beyond fills me with despair. If I can't try it on, I have no idea if I need it or want it, and I end up wanting to cry over my ignorance of the importance of thread count.

Anonymous said...

now see, this just makes me want to see you naked...

SG said...

Yeah, thread count seems to be a fairly recent obsession, like within the past 5 years. Must've been a Sex and the City episode or something...bleh.

Anonymous said...

Blinds can be around a buck @ walmart....Which I'm sure doesn't help you in NYC, but maybe you'll find them cheaper