Sunday, September 30, 2007

residency

I'm in love with you, Milla. I started life hating you, because you were on the cover of 17 magazine and you were only 11 years old.

At that time I wanted more than anything to be a model. Everyone said "You're too young," which is code for, "You're not so ugly that the notion is laughable, but you're no 6 foot tall 89 lb clear-skinned doe-eyed ball of sex, either."

I took their comments at face value and thought age was the only thing holding me back. Seeing miss Milla on the June 1988 covered signaled the end of a dream.



Anyway, all is forgiven.

My love for you started building with movies 3 through 1, but now.

NOW NOW NOW NOW.

Oh my God, Milla. YOU LOVE KILLING. I really believe this. You are pathological. Normally you can't act worth a fuck but in this movie you really seem like you enjoying maiming people.



Is there something going on in your personal life? A yeast infection? A divorce?

Whatever you're doing, don't change it. About 47 minutes in there was a point where I squinted my eyes and I swear I saw Scarface.

Do you understand what that means? Do you understand that for movie killings this is the highest compliment possible?

I want to work for Umbrella Corp, just to be close to you. As Official Event Coordinator, I would hire Rihanna to play Umbrella at the Fall 2007 "Up With Zombies!" sales conference.

You would like that, Milla. I know you would.

1 comment:

erin said...

i used to hate her because of an article i read about her in teen magazine when i was, like, 12. she insisted her hair be waved rather than curled for her cover shoot, even though waving would take the stylist a lot longer. (is there some kind of disorder that explains remembering stuff like this and forgetting everything you learn in school?) anyway, then i saw her in fifth element and was like, oh, wow, she crazy. awesome.