Wednesday, July 18, 2007

here. now there.

I'm not dead. I'm moving. Next door to Allen Ginsberg's old apartment. He was apartment n, I'm apartment n+1. Current dickhead landlord who didn't bother to sweep, paint or remove the hair-covered clot of feces from the bathroom floor is being a cock and insisting that I take my 1970s color scheme walls back to white.

"But Erin, don't landlords usually paint when someone new moves in, especially if it's been a year or two since the last time they did it?"

Virginia, you always were a dumb bitch. Listen. The landlord wants ME to do it. So he doesn't have to. I went into ACE Hardware Sunday. "Gimme the cheapest primer you got." I'm doing thick, sloppy coats and splashing it all over bathroom fixtures, kitchen tile, windows, the hardwood floor. No top coat. Just primer.

I enjoy painting though. For some reason I always do it topless. OL' PAINTY TITS. I wear pants and stuff but always take off my shirt, even when it's not hot. I would make a good construction worker stereotype. I like swearing, beer, classic rock, that shirt thing I just mentioned earlier, looking at girl's asses, the whole nine.


SG said...

Well fuck, if I had know that, I would've at least been your paint can holder!

Day-am. know, I do have a lot of painting I need Aruba.

Fancy some opverseas work?

jerry said...

It's true she dose have a keen eye for a nice ass, because of her I can't watch Dr. Quinn medicine woman without being at half mast and fanitsizing about buck skin panties. thanks for that one E!

Anonymous said...

primer only... totally awesome!

that landlord is a tool. NO ONE is going to do a good job if they're forced to do something they don't want to do.