Sunday, July 8, 2007

Here's something I hate.

When people ask me where I'm from and I say Detroit and they cannot fucking LET IT BE.

They get this stupid smirk and say, "Yeah, but not really Detroit, right?" or "Oh come on. Not 'Detroit' Detroit. You must mean somewhere outside the city."

Next they try to get me to clarify the exact street of the hospital where I was born, where my paternal grandmother resides, where I said my first word, etc. in a thinly veiled attempt to trap me. HA HA HA HA. GOTCHA, YOU SHELTERED SUBURBAN WHITEY!

Yes, I am not from Detroit in the strictest sense. I was born in St. Clair Shores. It is part of Macomb County. It is 13 miles outside central Detroit and is considered part of the Detroit metro area.

I say I am from Detroit because no knows where the fuck St. Clair Shores is. If I say 'Detroit' it's easily understood by everyone. I've said Detroit to a Nigerian taxi driver and he's all like "Ahhhh jes, Motor Ceety."

I identify as a Detroiter. My aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and so on all live there. I've been back to Detroit at least once a year my entire adult life. I've been to countless auto shows, the Renaissance Center, Greektown, Cobo, Tigers games, museums, grocery stores, restaurants, etc.

What's with the socio-economic witch hunt? When someone says they're from San Francisco you don't go, "Oh yeah? But WHAT PART of San Francisco???! Huh??" "Are you really an Eskimo? SHOW ME YOUR IGLOO!"

It's only because I'm a whitey. If I was black no one would be questioning me. They'd be like "Detroit? Cool. I'm down, my man." Pretty fucking racist (both ways) if you ask me.

I've never ONCE said being from Detroit makes me tough or cool or whatever. I don't cop a attitude about it. I don't understand why people get so weird and crazy.

When I was a vegetarian I went through the same thing. The first thing people do when you tell them (and I never volunteered it, people always had to force it out of me) is to try to find out when was the last time you ate meat.

Then it's "Do you eat THIS?" and "Do you eat THAT?" and then, "HA HA! That mustard contains chicken broth/turkey sweat/lamb teeth. You're not really a vegetarian."

Damn. I'm really worked up. I think I'm going to go call Eminem and see if he wants to go wilding. There's a plate glass window in front of the Vermont Candle Company that's just begging to have a rock thrown through it. PEACE!

18 comments:

jerry said...

where the fuck is st. clair shores is that by detroit? like detroit,detroit?

OLT said...

i'm listening to Avril Lavigne and Kelly Clarkson. I MEAN....the new Interpol and Aninal Collective that anal leaked five minutes ago out of the internet's ass and is already passé. you got me, i'm listening to Vixen.

OLT said...

god, that is so blargh you have to have comment moderation cos of spam and pervy retards.

THIS WORLD WE LIVE IN!!
why does is always have to be so com-pli-cAAAAYEted? getting me something something so frustrAAAYEted.

(don't approve this! private msg from me to you) ERIN SUCKED 47 COCKS LAST NIGHT I SAW IT! THEN SHE ATE OUT A LADY HOBO.

Anonymous said...

Word.

Nobody says that about Denver.

mintzworks said...

I'm a virgin to Detroit (pronounced Day-twah by the french).

Is it like Chicago, where really no one but NO ONE is from Chicago proper because there are a gabillion different burbs?

I understand why you just say Detroit, tho...I'm from Rockford, Illinois, the second largest city in Illinois, a full hour from Chicago, but sometimes I still just say "From Chicago."

gttim said...

But not "St. Clair Shores" St. Clair Shores. You mean from outside St. Clair Shores, don't you? 'Cause your not really from downtown St. Clair Shores are you? I mean your not from from the city St. Clair Shores.

Nat Baddington said...

Here's what I do. I say, "I am from Rockville Maryland, right near DC." Try it! You get to have fewer long convos with 'bags!

Anonymous said...

But are you a Redwings fan? Damn, I hope so. I used to live in Ypsilanti and I always say 'Ypsilanti', not Ann Arbor.

Being from Detroit just makes you sexier.

Fuck 'em.

Robert said...

I have the reverse problem. I tell people I'm from New York City (as, for example, I did during my three years in Ann Arbor), and they assume I really mean Long Island, Westchester or Jersey. No, Manhattan, Upper West Side. Thank you -- not some bridge-and-tunnel type (though I am now, since I moved to Brooklyn).

I empathize. I tell people I went to law school in Ann Arbor, and I get maybe 50% recognition.

Robert said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

this is all making me rolf very much. you should get furious more often.

Outrageouschaos said...

Why you all hatin' on Vermont? What did my people do to you?

Amanda - Erin's Fave Cousin said...

Living in Germany in a military community - that is always a question... Where did you come from? I typically say, "Michigan" & then they ask if I came from "Detroit", which I then explain no one actually lives in Detroit... I grew up & lived about an hour west (or 42 miles) from Detroit in Highland & point on my right palm the actual location of Detroit, Highland & Lansing (and about 45 minutes from my dear cousins & the plaid couches in St. Clair Shores).

But people are scared of people that they think lived in Detroit - the shock value is kind of funny. So I think you should say "Yep, I lived in Detroit at 5 Mile & Gratiot... People shot at my house about 3 times a week... What about you?" HeHe...

Amanda - Erin's Fave Cousin said...

Living in Germany in a military community - that is always a question... Where did you come from? I typically say, "Michigan" & then they ask if I came from "Detroit", which I then explain no one actually lives in Detroit... I grew up & lived about an hour west (or 42 miles) from Detroit in Highland & point on my right palm the actual location of Detroit, Highland & Lansing (and about 45 minutes from my dear cousins & the plaid couches in St. Clair Shores).

But people are scared of people that they think lived in Detroit - the shock value is kind of funny. So I think you should say "Yep, I lived in Detroit at 5 Mile & Gratiot... People shot at my house about 3 times a week... What about you?" HeHe...

Simon David Winthrop said...

A humble suggestion. When asked about your city of origin, say "St. Clair Shores". When the questioner then asks "Where is that?" reply, "Outside Detroit". The smirks and condescension are then avoided.
Unless my suggestion is condescending...

Larry from Cleveland said...

Hey, Detroit is cool. I took my family there on vacation one year. (People move away when I tell them that...) We did the Ford museum, greenfield village, RenCen, Sci/Tek center at Wayne State U, etc.
Of course, Detroit is especially exciting when you're coming from Cleveland...

Sassy Sundry said...

I hear you on the vegetarian thing. I am one, and I'm sick to death of people quizzing me about it. I don't care what they eat, why should they care what I eat?

I don't know where St. Clair Shores is, so thanks for saying Detroit.

Anonymous said...

jeezuz, are you dead or something? you okay out there? *tap tap*