Wednesday, October 31, 2007

defending the sexy nursemaidfirefightercopwitch

Since when did Halloween go from a holiday of candy and costumes to a nationwide excuse to female-bash and label everyone with XX chromosomes an unconscionable tramp?

Random sampling of the news articles this week:
-Whore-o-ween provides an excuse to suit up like sluts
-Tricks or Treats?
-Have Ghouls Gone A Little Too Wild?
-Skimpy Costumes for Young Girls Called Reflection of Culture

Here's a novel query:

WHY DO WE GIVE A SHIT?


Because they look like skanks! SO?

Because they don't normally dress like skanks! SO? Are you saying you'd prefer them to dress like skanks all the time? Just because someone chooses to dress skanky one day, is she obligated to dress skanky the other 364 days of the year? If I wear black to my grandma's funeral should I be socially ostracized for wearing pastels on Easter?

Because they think they're getting away with it! SO? What exactly are they getting away with? Are they supposed to feel bad? Guilty? Because dressing sexy is on par with kicking puppies, painting swastikas on nun's foreheads and feasting on aborted fetuses? Look at that sexy nurse and sexy cop. Those are BAD PEOPLE! Let's put them in the town square and have them stoned to death, like they do in other countries.

Because they doesn't have the bodies for those costumes! SO? Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? You're no model yourself. What is that, a size 38 waistband? Your complexion's the color of yellowtail. You might want to get out in the sun more.

But getting drunk and going out dressed sexy is dangerous! SO? Oh, shit. I see. You're saying that Halloween is the ONLY time of year people ever indulge in this sort of behavior. YOU'RE TOTALLY RIGHT.

If you want to dress skanky on Halloween, girls, HAVE AT IT.


I'm not really into it, just 'cause I don't think it's a super original way to go. I prefer to torture myself for several months, trying to think of an idea, then give up and go as a zombie.

Here's a thought. Let's write about some of the SUPERFUCKINGAWESOME costume choices MEN come up with, shall we?

TOP 5 SHITTY MALE COSTUMES FOR HALLOWEEN


PIMP Hi, I work in enterprise software sales. I'm a pasty privileged turd of a white male who can't get dates, but this year I'm going as the black male stereotype version of someone who exploits sex workers. Yay for me!

WHITE TRASH I grew up in East Grand Rapids. The closest I ever came to manual labor was a 4 hour shift washing dishes at my aunt's restaurant in Nantucket. I told mom and dad I need to concentrate on my 1 credit elective and got out of working the rest of the summer. I'm dressing up as someone who's socio-economically less fortunate. Why? Because OTHER PEOPLE'S POVERTY IS FUNNY!!!!!!

PIRATE Arrrrggh! I said, Arrrrrrgh! Bro, what do you think of my costume, bro? It's my brother's little sister's shirt. It's tight, but it feels kinda silky. Actually, I kind of like it. The silky. Does that mean I'm gay? Shut up man. I was just messing with you. Queer! What? Dude, I TOLD YOU not to bring up that one time. I was DRUNK, OK? Shhhhhhhhhh. Keep your voice down. Oh, hey Scotty bro-hound! What's up, dude man? Arrrrrgh!!!!!!

AUSTIN POWERS Does my dressing up like a character from an 11 year-old SNL movie make you horny baby?

SUPERHEROS We get to show off our comic book knowledge AND our lumpy cubicle bodies! We spent $100 renting these costumes and took three trains to get to this party, but really we could have saved ourselves the trouble and just jacked off inside each other's mouths back at our 3-bedroom Bushwick share!

13 comments:

JP said...

Well damn, there goes my idea to dress up like Black Canary at work.

I should also add that I am female.

Anonymous said...

Hahaaaa! Yeah, those costumes are horible. Only women should be allowed to wear costumes on Halloween.-

Radiumhead.

Erin Bradley said...

If I have to exercise the decorum and common sense not to talk about cats in a party/pickup situation (note that I said party/pickup situation - of the type where I might be labeled a crazy cat chick and kill my chances of getting laid) then comic book folk should have to do the same.

Why? Because it appeals to a very niche audience and most people just aren't interested.

A grown man in a superhero cape is just as infantile and cloying as a woman who sleeps with stuffed animals and talks about her cat all the time.

THAT SAID, I'm only using that as a counterpoint. I don't *really* have a problem with superhero costumes and recognize that many females enjoy comic books and like to dress up as comic book and superhero characters.

Fletch said...

But what about the children?!?!?!

;)

WN said...

All good points, but this one tidbit actually IS disturbing. This costume for 'tween/teens' looks more like a prelude to porn. "Sexy Storybook"? "Sweet Teen Style"?? Click on "ZOOM" for the full effect:

http://www.spirithalloween.com/Girls-Costumes_Tween-Teen-Costumes/Storybook-Dorothy-Teen-Costume?UTM_campaign=SC#

(if link doesn't work, google spirit halloween dorothy)

Storybook Dorothy Teen Costume

Flaunt, flirt, and follow the Yellow Brick Road to this adorable Dorothy costume! Straight out of a sexy storybook, this classic girls costume comes with baby blue peasant top minidress with lace-up bodice and lace trim--everything you need to travel the land of Oz in sweet teen style.

Anonymous said...

See, I don't have a problem with sexy costumes, except for sexy cats, though she could talk about cats all she wanted. Mainly I just think Halloween costumes should be malicious. Sexy malicious? Great. My other minor quibble is that sexy costumes are a setup for disapointment. It can be a letdown when you find that tattoo on her chest you thought was so hot rubs off later in the night/morning.

Erin Bradley said...

Also for sale on the same site:

http://www.spirithalloween.com/boys-costumes_horror-costumes/michael-myers-boys-costume/

Lil' Michael Myers

How is encouraging little boys to be knife-wielding murderers any more dangerous than encouraging little girls to flaunt their sexuality?

What's sicker? I'd say they're about equal.

The kids who have good heads on their shoulders aren't going to be swayed by a stupid Halloween costume.

Anonymous said...

aw... I like superheroes.

I have been kind of dismayed at the vehement OMG THOSE WOMEN DRESSING SKIMPY, THOSE WHORES I've been hearing all over the place this year. Somebody send home the costume police. It's really got a vicious misogynistic feel to it. Women are only worth as much as the clothes they wear, apparently?

It does make me uneasy to tart up the elementary school set, because kids shouldn't be sex objects. ADULTS are a whole different story.

Papertiger said...

As a preliminary note, let me just say I have absolutely no problem with anyone dressing up as sexy-anything, on any given day of any given year. My annoyance with the Sexy Halloween phenomenon stems more from the fact that "Sexy-Anything Costumes" have slowly but surely throttled all the imagination and creativity out of the whole circus. It just seems kinda lazy.

Sarah B. said...

I am so tired of that purple pimp costume.

Simon David Winthrop said...

"Dressing up", my friends, is not the sexy. Undressing, that is the sexy.

Darrell said...

there is also the totally awesome and not at all lazy or played out "guy with his dick in a box" costume that i saw four of this week during the one hour before i may or may not have blacked out.

Miss Expatria said...

That Batman has a manpurse. Just sayin'.