Since when did Halloween go from a holiday of candy and costumes to a nationwide excuse to female-bash and label everyone with XX chromosomes an unconscionable tramp?
Random sampling of the news articles this week:
-Whore-o-ween provides an excuse to suit up like sluts
-Tricks or Treats?
-Have Ghouls Gone A Little Too Wild?
-Skimpy Costumes for Young Girls Called Reflection of Culture
Here's a novel query:
Because they look like skanks! SO?
Because they don't normally dress like skanks! SO? Are you saying you'd prefer them to dress like skanks all the time? Just because someone chooses to dress skanky one day, is she obligated to dress skanky the other 364 days of the year? If I wear black to my grandma's funeral should I be socially ostracized for wearing pastels on Easter?
Because they think they're getting away with it! SO? What exactly are they getting away with? Are they supposed to feel bad? Guilty? Because dressing sexy is on par with kicking puppies, painting swastikas on nun's foreheads and feasting on aborted fetuses? Look at that sexy nurse and sexy cop. Those are BAD PEOPLE! Let's put them in the town square and have them stoned to death, like they do in other countries.
Because they doesn't have the bodies for those costumes! SO? Have you taken a look in the mirror lately? You're no model yourself. What is that, a size 38 waistband? Your complexion's the color of yellowtail. You might want to get out in the sun more.
But getting drunk and going out dressed sexy is dangerous! SO? Oh, shit. I see. You're saying that Halloween is the ONLY time of year people ever indulge in this sort of behavior. YOU'RE TOTALLY RIGHT.
If you want to dress skanky on Halloween, girls, HAVE AT IT.
I'm not really into it, just 'cause I don't think it's a super original way to go. I prefer to torture myself for several months, trying to think of an idea, then give up and go as a zombie.
Here's a thought. Let's write about some of the SUPERFUCKINGAWESOME costume choices MEN come up with, shall we?
PIMP Hi, I work in enterprise software sales. I'm a pasty privileged turd of a white male who can't get dates, but this year I'm going as the black male stereotype version of someone who exploits sex workers. Yay for me!
WHITE TRASH I grew up in East Grand Rapids. The closest I ever came to manual labor was a 4 hour shift washing dishes at my aunt's restaurant in Nantucket. I told mom and dad I need to concentrate on my 1 credit elective and got out of working the rest of the summer. I'm dressing up as someone who's socio-economically less fortunate. Why? Because OTHER PEOPLE'S POVERTY IS FUNNY!!!!!!
PIRATE Arrrrggh! I said, Arrrrrrgh! Bro, what do you think of my costume, bro? It's my brother's little sister's shirt. It's tight, but it feels kinda silky. Actually, I kind of like it. The silky. Does that mean I'm gay? Shut up man. I was just messing with you. Queer! What? Dude, I TOLD YOU not to bring up that one time. I was DRUNK, OK? Shhhhhhhhhh. Keep your voice down. Oh, hey Scotty bro-hound! What's up, dude man? Arrrrrgh!!!!!!
AUSTIN POWERS Does my dressing up like a character from an 11 year-old SNL movie make you horny baby?
SUPERHEROS We get to show off our comic book knowledge AND our lumpy cubicle bodies! We spent $100 renting these costumes and took three trains to get to this party, but really we could have saved ourselves the trouble and just jacked off inside each other's mouths back at our 3-bedroom Bushwick share!