Friday, August 3, 2007

My veternarian can suck it.

If you're the kind of person who doesn't read post titles, allow me to repeat:

MY VETERNARIAN CAN SUCK IT.


I am so sick of bringing my animal in and getting yelled at.

You're not brushing him enough. You're feeding him the wrong food. You should buy this organic shit that costs $39 dollars for a 2 lb bag and I will look at you like a cannibal who practices incest should you show the slightest hesitation.

I realize there are ways I could improve as a cat mother. But the fact that I'm even bringing the little fucker in to your establishment already puts me in a better position than 99% of people out there.

He's neutered. He has his shots. I didn't have him declawed, and thus have to had to give up on my dream of owning awesome wicker furniture like the kind Jack and Crissy have on Three's Company. I got him as an adult. I didn't buy a kitten from a huge chain store that acquires animals from dubious sources and subsequently give it away because the litterbox doesn't match my Crate & Barrel furniture. He's fat because I GOT HIM THAT WAY and I don't understand why, after 5 times in 5 visits, you still haven't managed to absorb that story.

I just gave you $150 dollars for 15 minutes of work. There are people who DOUSE CATS WITH GASOLINE AND LIGHT THEM ON FIRE. Can I get a little credit? Just a little? Thank you, Dr. Doolittle. You can go back to painting watercolors of your Bichon Frise or whatever it is you do in your spare time.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You've always seemed like a top-shelf cat-mother to me.

That video, on the other hand, is FUCKED UP. I hope that retriever eats the asshole with the camera, after he has a stroke and is immobilized on the floor. Taunting animals with food like that is shitty.

Angela said...

Oh GAG! That clip is the worst S&M act I have ever witnessed. Watching Hillary putting Cheney in a pony rig with a crop up his ass on CSPAN would be easier to stomach. Blech!

Erin Bradley said...

Agreed. But did you see the part at the end, where he puts the ham in there like it's SKOAL?

Glad the dog got the food in the end.

Anonymous said...

I'm a fish daddy myself. I just spent $75 on my betta (yeah I'm crazy). He got a new tank, new rocks, new plants, a plastic ship to hide in, some new food to replace his usual flakes, some fin medicine, and a new book about bettas. I put him in the new tank, and the bitch has the audacity to flare his gills at me and act pissed for the rest of the week.

OLT said...

GIVE DOG HAM!

Cindy said...

I just switched vets because everytime I went to my old one I felt like an asshole - like I should be sooo sorry for being a bad bad girl with no morals. Seriously every visit was like trying to convince her I loved my dog, but that the 185/month food regimen was really all I could handle, and NO, I would not begin cooking for my dog. Jesus, he eats dead shit off the ground if I'm not like the Flash when we're out for walks.