Tuesday, November 18, 2008

More of the Shame

Last week I asked Miss Information readers to send in their most humiliating sexual moment. You can check out the winner in this week's column.

Here are some of the equally awesome runners-up that didn't make it:

Why Window Treatments are Optional. As is Shame.
"One year in college, I lived in an old stone building that was extremely cold and drafty in the winter. The school sent out the custodians to seal plastic over the inside of the windows to try to improve things for the winter. They came while I was out, sealing in the items that were on my window ledge, as well as leaving the curtain open. My choice was to leave it like that, or freeze to fix the situation. I chose to leave it.

One day, I was naked in bed giving my boyfriend a blow job. I happened to glance out the window and saw a group of people watching from the window across the way! I yelped, stopped what I was doing, and tried to cover us up. They all thought that was extremely funny, and started pointing and laughing and calling more people over. It was horrible.

Eventually, I realized there was only one way out of this. So, I threw back the covers, resumed what I was doing, and gave them a little wave in the process. Now, it was their turn to look embarrassed. The girl whose room it was dragged the guys away from the window, shot us a dirty look, and yanked her shade down. Mercifully, it stayed down the rest of the winter, as I couldn't fix my own. I got something of a reputation around campus, but that's the boyfriend I married, so I guess it all worked out okay in the end."

Bottoms Up, Ass + Glass...The Title Possibilities are Endless
"My boyfriend and I were fooling around in my bedroom, and for whatever reason, he was lying on my bed pretty much fully clothed, and I was on all fours on top of him, completely naked.

Just then, my mother opens the door to my room without looking, and is greeted by my big naked butt. She closed the door immediately and left (we've never spoken about it - we're too British to do that), but while she was exiting, I tried to hide the best way I could: I rolled off the side of my bed onto the floor.

Unfortunately, I misjudged the distance between the bed and the nearby bookcase, slammed into my bookcase, and had my entire glass bottle collection come crashing down on top of me.

Of course, my considerate boyfriend was too busy freaking out to notice that I was covered in bottles. In fact, he was so "deer in the headlights" that when I asked him about it recently, he had no recollection of the bottle barrage at all!"

Enter the Dragon. Actually, Scratch That. Better Wait.
"At the college I attended, there is a big building that is designed to look like a castle on the outside. My boyfriend and I always wanted to have sex outside on one of the turrets or on the roof. We just wanted to make sure we had a place where we couldn't be seen or stumbled upon accidentally.

One day, we decided to go for it, and went out scouting. We had just climbed out a window from a unused kitchen, when up popped this small child! And right behind him was my psychology professor!

My professor knew right away what we were up to, and said sternly that he and his grandson were on a dragon hunt. We assured the boy that there were no dragons out there, and we would let him know if we saw any. We decided that particular turret was not a good spot for our plans. We wanted to keep scouting, but every good spot we tried, the dragon hunting pair had gotten to right before us, and my professor kept shooting us dirty looks. So, we gave up.

The next day in class, he asked in front of everyone how our 'dragon hunting' had gone the day before. I'm sure I turned beet red, and then had to explain the story my friends, because they wouldn't let it drop. They were rolling with laughter. It was terrible.

My boyfriend and I did eventually, uh, 'find the dragon' before we graduated, but that's a whole different story."

Brevity is the Soul of Sh*t, aka The Perv Hemingway
"The morning after a night of many pleasures I was aglow while walking my dog through the dappled sunlight. Then she pooped out a condom. Just as old Italian woman was walking by.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Dear Hindu Jeebus:

Please let me come back as a reed in Lionel Richie's saxophone in my next life.

Sincerely Yours,

Erin Bradley