Thursday, May 1, 2008

your body is a clothing stand

If John Mayer's taste in women were a clothing brand, it would most definitely be...


TALBOTS


Think about it.

He's got his Resort Wear...






Easy Weekend Basics...




and Timeless Pieces That Never Go Out of Style.




JOHN MAYER'S REQUIREMENTS FOR BEING JOHN MAYER'S GIRLFRIEND WHO ALSO MEETS JOHN MAYER'S GIRLFRIEND REQUIREMENTS:

1. long hair

2. white teeth

3. white skin

4. must look like you stepped off the pages of a high school yearbook circa 1989-1997

5. prom queen title, beauty pageant experience, sorority membership a plus

I love how the man who once said, "I'm indie rock like it just don't stop," is so proud of having spurned the vaginal advances of Paris Hilton.

Like Hewitt, Simpson, and now Aniston are any better.

Like your mouth doesn't say one thing and your dick doesn't do another.

Time to get real, Dr. Phil.

You're worse than a closeted homo-hating senator, son.