Thursday, May 1, 2008

your body is a clothing stand

If John Mayer's taste in women were a clothing brand, it would most definitely be...


TALBOTS


Think about it.

He's got his Resort Wear...






Easy Weekend Basics...




and Timeless Pieces That Never Go Out of Style.




JOHN MAYER'S REQUIREMENTS FOR BEING JOHN MAYER'S GIRLFRIEND WHO ALSO MEETS JOHN MAYER'S GIRLFRIEND REQUIREMENTS:

1. long hair

2. white teeth

3. white skin

4. must look like you stepped off the pages of a high school yearbook circa 1989-1997

5. prom queen title, beauty pageant experience, sorority membership a plus

I love how the man who once said, "I'm indie rock like it just don't stop," is so proud of having spurned the vaginal advances of Paris Hilton.

Like Hewitt, Simpson, and now Aniston are any better.

Like your mouth doesn't say one thing and your dick doesn't do another.

Time to get real, Dr. Phil.

You're worse than a closeted homo-hating senator, son.

4 comments:

Nat Baddington said...

I love how the man who once said, "I'm indie rock like it just don't stop," is so proud of having spurned the vaginal advances of Paris Hilton.

Like Hewitt, Simpson, and now Aniston are any better.


Oh my God I can't believe there is any question at all that all of them are so so so much better than Paris Hilton. Honestly. I don't understand.

pb said...

I agree with nat, I don't think they can all be lumped together like that. Simpson's patently an idiot (act or no act), and Hilton is a dim socialite. But Aniston seems to have a little more sense about her, and she was certainly raked over the coals on the "children vs. career" topic a while back. And Hewitt has basically said, "Fuck all y'all, I like my fat ass."

As for Mayer, eh. His appeal eludes me.

Redcat said...

Hewitt has a fat ass?

Hmph. Who knew.

Sabina said...

I'm with Erin. Mayer and all those women are just different degrees of worthless.