Friday, April 18, 2008

DOWN WITH THE LOW

MSN just came out with this article

"Too Tall to Date?"


which outlines 3 reasons why it's hard to date if you're a tall girl.

I'm 5'9 and I love me some short men. Back in the day I used to have a 6'4 and over fetish but the last couple men I've seen with any regularity have been built like Jon Lovitz.

It's weird how when you start dating someone of a different physical type, suddenly that's all you're attracted to. That's all you notice.

The same thing happened when I dated a guy who was Vietnamese. For the whole year afterwards I was running around eye-raping Asian hipster boys with Bruce Lee haircuts on St. Marks.

Here's why short boys are better:

1. People look at you when you're out in public.

But isn't that bad, Erin?
Attention is attention, and extra attention is AWESOME. Think about the person walking the pit bull and the teacup chihuahua. The smiles it brings to people's faces. How weathered old rednecks see it and go, "Takes all kinds." That's YOU! You're ALL KINDS. Rock!


2. It makes you look like a model.

People see you and they're all like, "Holy shit that girl's tall!" and if you're wearing heels, even more so. Being tall is already great, this just helps set off its luster.


3. It makes your boy look like he's rich, has a huge wang, or both.

Walking down the street you hear the whispers, "Why is she with him? He must be loaded," or "You know what? You laugh, Donnie, but I bet the sex is out of control." How are these bad assumptions?


4. Speaking of wangs, lack of vertical altitude does not mean an automatic deduction.

To put it another way, I've dated 5'7 guys who were packing heat and 6'5 guys who were...umm...not. It's always a grab bag. Like Forrest Gump's gay cousin says, "A zipper is like a box of chocolates," and I've seen many a Whitman's Sampler go wrong.


5. It's easy to fit them on your bed and couch.

With a short guy it's all compact and snuggly. Everything fits together like a fleshy Jenga game. With a tall guy it's an all-evening insomnia-inducing symphony of bony limbs and elbows.


QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION:
1. Do you date short or tall individuals?
2. Does height matter to you?
3. For trashy frozen pizza, do you like Tony's better or Stouffer's?

16 comments:

Beth said...

I love the word "wang." Oh, and I'm not as tall as you, but I'm lovin' a Lovitz myself at the moment, and you're right, the snuggletime rocks.

mrc said...

5'8" girl here that likes to wear heels... so I prefer tall men, but I think that is more b/c all the men in my fam are 6'2" or above and it's kind of whats normal to me. I scout for them in bars and tell all my friends if I snag a tall one.

that being said, all my serious relationships have been w guys that were 5'10 or 5'11... You like who you like, no matter how tall they are. Does suck when they are insecure abt it and don't want you to wear heels tho.

killahmcgillah said...

Well, okay, here's my two cents:

I have fetishes for dudes that are EXTREMELY tall and/or EXTREMELY short. I like em both for different reasons:

The tall ones make me feel teeny tiny and girlish. I like the feeling of knowing that I can be picked up and carried off by someone big and strong. Their height (usualllllly) tends to correspond well to what they're packing. (Watch out, 'cuz most tall & thin guys have the ability to poke an eye out.) Also, really tall guys tend to be rougher in the sack, which never hurts.

Then again, I like the little guys because I'm only 5'0" and with the short ones things just seem to fit better, bed-wise. They've got something to prove and they all get A's for effort. And like you said, height doesn't NECESSARILY always match up with wang size. (In fact, some of the smallest I've seen were all on average sized dudes.)

Bonus point for shorties: Shower sex.

Sean said...

Stouffer's. Hands down.

Height to me doesn't matter. I have dated women as short as 5'2" and my ex-gf was 6' tall.

But I have to totally agree. For some reason, whoever I start dating determines the type of women I end up chasing for a decent while after breakup. But I suppose that's because we are possibly trying to re-live the previous relationship?

Anonymous said...

(katie from work)

I used to love short men. I had a Ringo Starr complex which evolved into a Woody Allen complex. Now I'm on the just-dated-so-only-want-that complex of 6'2" & over. But it didn't work out at all with the last guy, which makes me wonder if there's a direct proportion between height and commitmentphobia.

What about Totino's? That's the best redneck pizza around.

Robert said...

Glad to hear it Erin.
As a guy who's 5'7"-5'8" (depending on how aligned my spine is), it drives me up the wall perusing personals and seeing that the majority of women specify "tall" as a quality they want in a guy...especially when it's from a gal who's 5'1" or 5'2. It's enough to want to make me bang my head against the wall.
We not-so-tall guys thank you for your support and for spreading the word out to your sisters....

Andrew said...

I'm a 5'7" guy (I'm not quite Lovitzesque... yet, but working on it). I usually date women who are about my height or shorter. This is nothing conscious though and I really don't care about a woman's height. I know that most of my shorter friends do though, and sadly most of the taller women I know don't like to date shorter guys.

Tony's. Stouffer's smells like my grandma's house.

crushjunky said...

i love how one of the girls in the article is all of 5'8". wooo! must be awful being such a freak!!
I prefer my boy in L or XL. Otherwise I feel like a novelty item.
I like tonys pizza but i always add extra toppings. i cant just enjoy it right out of the box.

Sally said...

I dated someone who was 6'5" for a long time and the first person I slept with afterward wound up cowering on the edge of the bed - I was so used to fighting for bed space in my sleep that I commandeered the whole thing.

Now I'm dating someone 5'7" (I'm 5'6") - who sent me this post :)

Downside: moving furniture is harder. Upside: we fit together like happy little matching salt and pepper shakers. Cuddling, handholding, sleeping, sharing clothes... everything works better! Love it.

pb said...

Dear God,
Thank you for the height. I have no problem reaching the toilet paper on the top shelf at my local bodega. A little extra in the wang department would have been nice, though. Just sayin.

Signed,
Made in your image

Redcat said...

I'm a couple inches taller than you. I love shorter men because it just feels more balanced. If we are both huge, it's overwhelming for people.

L said...

I love the Lovitz, same height, with a belly, 'cause when I'm little spoon his stomach fits right against the small of my back and I am in HEAVEN.

Sabina said...

I kind of prefer slightly taller than I am-- not toooo tall-- but I wouldn't kick Gael Garcia Bernal out of bed. I really don't discriminate based on height, but I do based on body type.
Only problem with shorter guys: doesn't it ever make you feel like you're dating Tom Cruise? And he's clearly a lunatic.
Lastly: I prefer to make my own pizza. I'm a snob like that.

Outrageouschaos said...

Stouffer's White Sauce. It's delicious, and vaguely dirty-sounding. Plus and Plus. It's one of the guilty staples of my diet. Whole grain, whole wheat bread. Organic produce. Stouffer's.

I'm 5'9" and the great ex-love of my life is 5'7". Yeah, it's nice to fit nicely in the Armpit Nook of Security, but when the dude is 6'5" and has to sleep diagonally across my full sized bed, thereby relegating me to a two-foot triangle of pain, the lure of the nook fades into back spasms.

As for dating to type...'05 was The Year of the Drummer. Whilst nostalgically recounting my year, I realized that I had dated -- not just slept with, but had meals with -- four of them. That's a lot of cymbal cases to cart around. I haven't dated one since.

Erin Bradley said...

Dating drummers is fun b/c out of all the band members, they're usually the best in bed.

The downside - having to help them lug around the equipment. Cymbal cases suck, but what I hate are the stands. All those pointy edges. And they're way heavier than they look.

Anonymous said...

sheeit. i guess i am "all kinds".
5'10", dated a shorter guy and owned a chihuahua and pitbull. i guess my mum was right when she accused me of being an attention-seeker. I feel shame.